


How to Buttdial an Angel

by freckledheart



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Gen, M/M, This is the fluffiest fluff I've ever managed to write, also i live in a world where Dean still has his handprint nothing you say can convince me otherwise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 01:31:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1410031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckledheart/pseuds/freckledheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now when Dean gets drunk, he has these weird- dreams? Hallucinations?</p>
<p>Either way, he's been having these things, and they're never nightmares.</p>
<p>Instead they're about being-</p>
<p>being-</p>
<p>held.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Buttdial an Angel

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was born of two things: 1) a friend stalked someone for me and I wanted to write her something nice instead of heartbreaking for once, and 2) somebody just really, really needs to give Dean a hug.

Sometimes- well, lately- when Dean gets really, really drunk, he passes the point of numbness (somehow) and starts having, well, hallucinations. 

This usually happens when he’s at the bunker, because he’s not going to make it back if he drinks that much somewhere else.

He drinks till he forgets, and then he drinks until he forgets he was trying to forget something. 

He’s gotten quite good at this.

The walk back to his bedroom has gotten harder, though.

Anyways.

He starts having- dreams. Maybe they’re hallucinations. Either way, it’s all very strange.

Because they’re not the kind of dreams he thinks he deserves, really. They’re not nightmares. They’re not what he’s used to.

Lately, the only dreams Dean has are of-

of-

well. There’s not really another way to put it.

He’s been having these weird, vivid, dream-hallucinations of being held. 

When he stumbles back into his room, tugs off his clothes, makes sure that when he falls it’s in a bed-ish direction, his thoughts swirl slushily around his head for a few minutes, and then he assumes he either falls asleep or hits this half-conscious state of being where his brain pretends the things he wishes were real are actually happening.

Well, only the things that are kind of realistic enough to make up. He knows that with Sam, he’s messed things up too bad to fix. 

But he keeps having these weird night things, yeah?

And it wouldn’t be so weird if they didn’t happen so often.

 

It’s just, he falls drunk into bed, on his really bad nights, and when his thoughts start circling all the same, suddenly instead of being curled in a miserable ball all by himself, it’s like there’s someone curled up with him, holding him and shushing him and sometimes keeping him from drowning in his own barf. And he never really gets a good look at who it is, but he knows who his brain conjured up anyways, because he’s kind of a masochist that way. Also because he memorized the way he smells and- 

But seriously he knows it’s not real because there’s no way Cas would show up, because A) Dean’s a fucking mess, he’s just toxic and it’s better for the angel to stay away and B) even for his subconscious it’s pretty ridiculous to make up a Cas that knows the words to _Hey Jude_.

At least once he starts having the weird bedtime hallucinations, the bad dreams stop. And the hallucinated-Cas’s don’t go away, even once Sam and him start working with the real Castiel again.

And then Cas starts powering down, and even though the real-life Cas is so messed up when it comes to mojo, the not-Cas dreams still are there, appearing whenever Dean can’t cope.

Until the night when the not-Cas fails to-

Well. It goes something like this.

Dean gets really drunk, and he falls asleep with the not-Cas there, carding his fingers through Dean’s hair and humming to him. And in the morning, he wakes up, and Cas is there, and he’s asleep too, and his hand is resting on Dean’s head, right near his temple.

There’s this weird moment of calm where Dean realizes that he never had a real hangover on the not-Cas mornings. _The Cas mornings_ , he quickly amends himself. It’s the real Cas here, the real Cas sleeping.

A quick glance to the clock now, and it’s 4:30 am and why on earth would Dean be up this early after he got to sleep so late-

the real Cas, sleeping, and Dean realizes he didn’t just wake up, he was woken. Cas is sleeping and it’s not a pleasant sleep. He’s having a nightmare, and it’s Dean’s turn, now. Dean’s turn to shift, and hold on to Cas, and now it’s Dean singing. But Cas is talking in his sleep, and- oh. 

_Oh_. 

Apparently Cas’s nightmares are about not being there in time to save Dean and for a moment, the hunter is stunned, because yeah, it’s weird waking up to find an angel you thought you’d alienated beyond friendship in bed basically cuddling you, but it’s a little bit past believable to know his nightmares are of losing you.

But then he starts, and now he’s trying to wake him, because he might not be good enough but at least he can do this, take care of his angel once in return for all the times he’d been taken care of. 

And even though he’s trying, there’s nothing waking Cas up. And for a brief moment he considers- 

but no if that was going to happen (even though he’s positive it never would but he’s currently actively not-freaking-out and it’s looking more likely even though it’s never-) he wouldn’t want it to happen like this.

And so he does the only thing he can think of, brings Cas’s hand up and fits it to his handprint, because Cas always has been there to save him, invariably, and the handprint on Dean’s arm is a reminder of that, a reminder of all things good and everything Cas has ever done for him and-

and it works, and suddenly Cas’s fingers are curling tighter and gripping Dean’s arm and his breathing leaves sleep and suddenly it’s fluttering and he slumps forward, and Dean can feel it through his shirt against his collarbone the quick in-out-in-out and he can feel that Cas is keeping his eyes shut and he can feel his eyelashes and he can feel his pulse against his neck and it is fast.

“Hey, no, Cas, it’s okay, it’s alright, I’m here. I’ve got you,” he murmurs, but he can feel the tears start to soak into the collar of his shirt anyways.

“ _Dean_ ,” his angel gasps as he looks up, “ _it was so real, Dean-_ ”

“Shh. You’re here now,” the hunter sooths, and Castiel nods. Takes a deep breath.

There are a few moments of quiet, but “Cas? Why did you come?”

“You prayed to me.”

“And you came?”

“I always will come when you call, Dean. I just can’t promise that prayer will reach me, anymore.”

It’s said hastily, with a tone of confession, and the angel looks away, but Dean draws his gaze back, lifting his chin with two fingers.

“Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?”

“I prayed to you even when I knew you were human.”

“You-”

Now it is Dean’s turn for a rushed admittance-

“Prayer is a sign of faith, remember?”

Cas’s face forms into an o of surprise, and it’s clear he had, but hadn’t thought Dean would.

There’s another moment of quiet, and Dean notices Cas. He always notices Cas.

But now, he is noticing the way Cas’s eyes dip down to his lips, and he’s noticing the flush that barely begins to trace in Cas’s cheeks as he notices Dean noticing him.

Cas looks away, though, and Cas looks ashamed, and no. That’s no good.

 

Dean prays. This time he means to.

_Cas._

The angel looks up and yes, Dean has his attention now, and yes, that means he must be brave.

_Cas. Can I kiss you please?_

All Dean gets is a blush, and a smile, but it’s the biggest smile he’s ever seen Cas wear, and he takes that as a yes.

 

_Cas. Stay?_

**Author's Note:**

> (there will be a part two...)
> 
> edit: there's never going to be a part two


End file.
